The Snail Race Referee

[Intro]
[Verse]
Found me in a cardboard box
Near some dirty hiking socks
Fifty cents was all it took
Give me one more look
My left ear has a crack
Paint is peeling off my back
But I like this patch of dirt
Even if my ceramic might hurt
[Pre-Chorus]
(Wait, did the tempo change?)
(Just a little bit)
I’m leaning to the side
Nowhere left for me to hide
I see the world in slow-mo
Just a lonely garden gnome
[Chorus]
I’m the referee of the snails
Watching all their silver trails
Judging every snack you choose
In your muddy garden shoes
And I’m looking at the glass
Just across the tall green grass
She’s sitting on the neighbor's sill
While the world is standing still
[Post-Chorus]
(She looks so pretty today)
(Is that a new hat?)
(Maybe it’s just the sun)
(Oh, here comes a snail)
[Verse]
Three PM and you are back
Opening another yellow snack
Is that a third granola bar?
Driving in your mental car
You should try a piece of fruit
In your dusty business suit
I’m just a little guy in blue
Keeping a quiet eye on you
[Break]
(Tape hiss sounds nice)
(Cricker chirps in G major)
(Watch out for the sprinkler)
[Chorus]
I’m the referee of the snails
Watching all their silver trails
Judging every snack you choose
In your muddy garden shoes
And I’m looking at the glass
Just across the tall green grass
She’s sitting on the neighbor's sill
While the world is standing still
[Bridge]
Her ceramic glaze is bright
In the fading golden light
I wish I could hop the fence
Make some sort of garden sense
But my base is stuck in clay
Watching all the hours decay
Just a secret in the weeds
Planting tiny plastic seeds
[Verse]
The crickets start their nightly show
Watching all the flowers grow
You forgot to lock the door
Leaving crumbs upon the floor
I’ll stay here and guard the gate
Even if I’m way too late
To tell her that I like her pose
And the way her porcelain glows
[Hook]
Slow down, little snail
Don't you let your spirit fail
Left turn at the garden hose
That is how the winner goes
(He’s winning!)
(Oh, wait, he stopped to eat a leaf)
[Chorus]
I’m the referee of the snails
Watching all their silver trails
Judging every snack you choose
In your muddy garden shoes
And I’m looking at the glass
Just across the tall green grass
She’s sitting on the neighbor's sill
While the world is standing still
[Outro]